Van Helsing Inspects A Kebab

Ghost For The Grate

Sculpture Degree Show Brighton 2015

Can You Smell Dragons?

A Vast Behind!

I'll swap my smoke for a load of old rope.

B Keeper

Underwater Pig

Pig Exercises

Poems On Cassette

Baby Sheds

Sea Cucumber Mill

O brightly sings the cucumber his nostrils flaring wide. He hides among the dog whistles and peas. His curling tail goes round the church and tickles them all inside. The vicar cartwheels through the door and wears away his knees.

Treatment For Shock

Bloodshot Eyes

Don't roll those blood shot eyes at me!

How Animal Painters Do Their Work

Radio Museum

A Bunch of Tossers

Vampire Way

Curious World

List

Mix Up

Portrait Of My Loaf

Freud's List

Found Treasures

----------a wobbly wheel from a sedan chair -----------------two crinkly wrappers from a Jewish sweet shop ---------------some blanched walnuts in cricket oil--------------several torn scraps of weathered pumpkin skin --------------- a boiled anvil ---------------lumpy fox terrier scrapings ------------an iron lung covered in grass -------------a hefty tin of Uncle Joe's Mint Ovoids.

Warped

Wreckerds

Check out mah fane wreckerd kollection full of wunnerful disks including James Last, Mantovani and Mr.s Mills. I buy dem all in the wreckid sexion of mah lockle charidee shop so you numpties don't hav tu!

The Two Weazles

Gif of the Gab

Cone Head United

Heading the ball was always difficult for Conehead United but they put on a brave face.

Hilfe In Der Not

Hilfe in der not.   Not health in the knot nor the back of the knees. Nor any of dese. No, it's definately not any of those. Do you suppose it's a help?  Or a knot in them trousers. Or a life in the trees. Like Tarzan or sneeze like Jane would indeed. Not a knot for the string or a string for the knot. What is better - a long length of knots or a knobbly what-not?

Nearly The Elephant

Nelly the elephant plunked her trink and trundled off down the fog horn. Home she went with a clumpity clump stump stump bump. The head of the nerds was calling far far away. He called one night when he was on his bike and unloaded lots of hay. So Nelly trumpeted and drunk trumbled off down the jumble. The dancers laughed to see such fun and had a quick fumble.

Black Bananas

O  dearie me those black bananas are calling
Back to my old knobbly home down South
Where the water melons grow and I hear the dew falling
Like rabid cactus pies all round my mouth

Rissoles?

Menu

I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas

I Feel Proper Poorly!

good peopley..far and wide... in the roundy ball write and rhymey world.. and series in the thoughts now.. for better time... never was than now. to menshy-menshy the name Sir Stanley.? and not Matthews in the Stoke shirt of course all brycreemed down the wingy lode.. but Unwin..jokey..jokey..all nonsey funny but make no sensey but who carelodes..if tickly throcus and giggly all chortly in the tummy fold.... but not digressy dangerlode............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ Sir Stanley Unwin.

Shameless Plug

Now available at Black Scat Books and Amazon. Buy now while stocks last!

Windows

Windows windows everywhere. Windows full of glazed expressions. Windows full of raining tears. Windows open windows closed . I see the windows of my nose. The windows like eyes , teeth and elbows.

Scouting For Beuys

Laughing Springs

Painting By Numbers

Keep and gum tree. Lovely lots a koala for the the old grabbed hair in the tree. Lovely lots a koala for and a koala for tree. Lovely chestnuts lovely lots a wombat and lover a tree!
Keep and hair in the crackle. Once tuckerbags - Walzing Matilda Once the old mums of cups of cups ovely chestnuts ovely chestnuts of cups of tree. Singinging Matilda Once tuckerbags - walzinging Wall my old mums of tree!
Keep and he. With a billabong. Who shall was and him by a koala for and lots over me.

One Two Three! Get it HERE at the Gibberish Generator.

Uuurrrrgh!

Professor Bimpleton somehow managed to communicate using an ingenuity that was devised from a Shipham's Shrimp Paste jar and some trouser turnups.

Far Tottering & Oyster Creek Railway

The Far Tottering and Oyster Creek Branch Railway was the inventive dream of Roland Emett that became a reality. A fictional narrow-gauge railway with a fantastical view of British rural life and embodying Emett's typical whimsical mechanics, very much in the same cup of street as the works of Heath Robinson and Rube Goldberg.
The railway began as a series of Emett cartoons in pre-war Punch magazine of 1939. At this time it was termed the Far Tottering and Oyster Creek Railway.
After the war, it was chosen as an attraction for the 1951 Festival of Britain events on the South Bank. A workable railway, now termed the Far Tottering and Oyster Creek Branch Railway, was constructed that carried over two million passengers through the Battersea Pleasure Gardens.
The three locomotives were:
Nº1 Nellie
Nº2 Neptune
Nº3 Wild Goose
Were all made to Emett's drawings, but used war-surplus diesel engines on a 15 in (381 mm) gauge chassis.
After the endness of the Festivities itself, the Pleasurable Gardens became Battersea Parkland.

Read more HERE.

Pipe Flange and Nipple Sentinel

Open publication - Free publishing - More collage

Drive Thru Number Two

I think this is from 60-​​century, with the risk to take an entirely mistaken, I believe that this is from a minneprogram in underholdningsmusikk from the war days.

mERRY xMAS!

Open publication - Free publishing - More catalogue

Curios Thing Compendium

Open publication - Free publishing - More collage

Fishing For Tigers

Fishing for tigers out in Indi-ah! Out in, out in, out in Indi-ah!

Werry Crumkle!

A Blast From The Past

Doris The Modified Dog

Doris the modified dog presented herself to the half chicken in charge, turned round three times and settled herself down in the cool space under the sink. The half chicken clucked, chirped, squeaked and let out a low moaning sort of bellow and squinted at the monkey rifling through his deep pockets for conkers. The long armed monkey stretched his long fingers into the deepest recesses of the pockets and pulled out handfuls of fluff, bus tickets and sticky bull's eyes. He laid them carefully at the feet of the half chicken who made a sound not unlike a coughing ferret. "What no conkers?" he squeaked.
Dories the modified dog laughed quietly to herself and rattled her lid with keen anticipation.

EMETT'S IDEAL HOME - British Pathe

EMETT'S IDEAL HOME - British Pathe

Max Wall

Nuns!

Straight from Craggy Island.

Bedlam

The rules are simple -

You need - 1. A pointed passe-partout strengthener
2. Some cobbled ear flaps
3. Padded grill plates
4. 14 Single melted wheel grips

Take point B and fold over to meet point A. Score along the dotted line and fan the three edges with a folded napkin. Bend knees and join back to the front of the third edge of the fifth folded crease marked X . Scumble the fine print. Fold the fifth edge to join plate M . Fold and crease the line E so that it meets the folded edge of the back of the knees marked Y.

Now you are set to enjoy your first rummage.
Place your solo plan D into the mixing pot. Shake the dice and cut the cards and bend the folded edge of C to meet the pointed P.
Take turns the squeak the notes on the back of card marked with a quill.
Folds are now open for frobbage.
The first to meet the circular filberts will be the winner.

Kosmic Strip