Thursday, June 23, 2005

The cracked cup and dodo escapade.

The Fidle of Girrmstone
"Captain Maltwingeler gripped at the rocky outcrop as the Atlantic breakers raged about him and the last remaining dodo pecked his ankles mercilessly from the rim of a cracked cup that was bobbing up and down in the flume."

And for our Italian friends-

"Il capitano Maltwingeler afferrato all'affioramento roccioso mentre gli interruttori atlantici si sono infuriati circa lui ed all'ultimo dodo restante pecked mercilessly le sue caviglie dall'orlo di una tazza cracked che bobbing su e giù nel canale."


Wednesday, June 22, 2005


Here we a have a extract from the latest curious chart smash by Sneezums McDivot recorded at the bottom of a well in Fluntshire.
Note the hybrid stringed plunkings of the Fluntshire Zither made entirely of re-cycled goat hoof and bamboo.

Sneezums McDivot - Gibbersong(extract)

During an impromptu concert in Trafalgar Square Sneezums was attacked by marauding pigeons who either (a) dislikes his zither stylings or (b) attracted by the smell of the knotted loaf his mother made for him and which Sneezums used to fend of the attacking birds.


Gibbersong qui noi un un estratto dall'ultimo scontro curioso della tabella da Sneezums McDivot registrato alla parte inferiore bene dentro di un Fluntshire. Noti l'ibrido stringed i plunkings dello zither di Fluntshire fatto interamente dello zoccolo e del bambù riciclati della capra. Durante il concerto improvvisato in Trafalgar Sneezums quadrato è stato attacato saccheggiando i piccioni che o (a) ha antipatia per i suoi stylings dello zither o (b) attratto dall'odore della pagnotta annodata la sua madre ha fatto per lui e che Sneezums ha usato parare degli uccelli d'attacco.

Friday, June 17, 2005

You can lead a man to water but a horse must be a pencil.

Lead mask
"Shazzoof!" he cried, and behold the evil masked face of Dockor Leadstrom was revealed in all its weighiness!
Scourge of the pencil industry, Doktor leadstrom waged a one man war upon graphite users worldwide and with his magic cape and compass was able to fly through time crevices at his laboratory in Stuggfart and be all over the globe instantaneously!
His evil henchman, Rubber Tippedhead, was able to "rub out" all who stood in his way.

Monday, June 13, 2005

The Famdingo Trio

Originally uploaded by wastedpapiers.
The Famdingo family were renowned in their home town of Squishmish in the Turkish Alps where they grew giant parsnips and carved them into musical instruments called Shmutvinks. Thye played them at village parties, weddings, barmitzvas,funerals and the local Gurning contests which attracted crowds of up to 37.
They broke into the Turkish Pop scene in 1956 with a song written by a cousin about a sad three legged donkey who dreams of winning the Shmutvink music festival called Hee Haw My Parsnips which lept to the coveted No.1 spot in the Turkish pop charts. They soon followed this with several other big hits, notably My Bridle It Cheers Me Up in 1957 and Happy Parsnip Twist in 1961.

Friday, June 10, 2005

The Bristol Bat Munchers

Originally uploaded by wastedpapiers.
Bristol's top pop combo The Bat Munchers are seen here before a concert at the Clevedon Tattoo Hall accepting a gift of a stuffed vampire bat from a fan. The group's lead singer and spokesperson Deidre Flappenwurst said " The guys and I are really chuffed with this gift and we plan to have it later with some shallots and a white wine sauce."

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Sandwiches Drove Him Mad!

sandwiches drove him mad!

Sandwiches drove him mad!

Brent Urchin was chief slicer and dicer at the Hungry Hippo Health Emporium in Filbert street, behind the rubber chicken factory. He'd been working there nearly 35 years and got on well with all the staff and the regular customers who knew him as The Urch.
One morning he was shuffling the slices of newly sliced bread when he heard a strange noise coming from the backroom where they bagged up all the lentils, beans and pulses. It sounded like a small squeaky gate being constantly poked by a small boy with a baguette. He piled the slices of bread up on the chopping board and went to investigate. In the dim light of tha bagging room he saw nothing at first and the noise had stopped as he entered the room. He went over to the cord that worked the venetian blinds and pulled at it so that a stream of sunlight lit the room up and cast shadows of the sacks and boxes within onto the far wall. Something shot out from under the bagging table and shot up his right trouser leg. He let out a wild scream and jumped into the air, banging his head on a low shelf and sending down a shower of dust,flour,lentils and pulses from above. At the same time several men dressed as pantomime cows emerged from the large crates and sacks and began to beat him over the head with sticks of celery and rhubarb. At this time he must have lost consciousness.
He woke up with faces peering down at him. Faces drawn by very young children. He screamed and fainted again.
Yes, Doctor, he's coming round I think. His eyelids flickered and he felt a cold clammy hand on his forehead. He opened his eyes and saw a giraffe with a stethoscope leaning over him.
It was then he realised he was a giraffe and it had all been a horrible dream.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Doctor Spudwick's Nose Hair Collection

I am delighted to say that a rare clip of film has been discovered in the vaults of a Tasmanian Walnut Whip factory and although badly deteriorated it has been digitally buffed up in the Tasmanian Film Institutes Buffing department and you can see it HERE!

Burbs spoof
And here is the Italian translation-
Nose Hair Collection del dottore Spudwick mi diletto per dire che una clip rara della pellicola è stata scoperta nelle volte di una fabbrica tasmaniana della frusta della noce ed anche se male deteriorato esso digitalmente è stato lucidato in su negli istituti tasmaniani della pellicola che lucidano il reparto.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Doctor Pecker's Train of Hair Oil.

A new Tv series imported from Slobovia about train wreckers and the bandits who inhabit the Carparkian Mountains. This short clip gives you some idea of what to expect. See it HERE!

Electric Nuns

electric nuns

The electric nuns are contacting their evil henchmen to do some dirty work. Cleaning the sludge off their wimples and soldering new mud flaps. The gas driven Bishop of Batteriville is expecting a new delivery of rubber chickens for the church fete. They have to be wired up to the mains as fast as possible before the solar powered vicars arrive.