Gradual Pythonic Deriavations

The tinkle of the cheese grater - the elk hiding under the duvet
Reminds me of my vestibule- the outer coverings of creosote
Creative spoonfilled lumpen gravy - clobbered in hay
laughing like a drain - crying like an old steam boat

fetch me my grey flannels - the onnes made of newspaper
My edam trilby and Goya's favourite hillbilly pipes
The one with the fringe on the top - and the edge of fur
Lift up the corners now - say hello to the packet of wet wipes

Guest Artist - Roger Radio

Space Cucumber

Meanwhile back on Space Cucumber Nine , Polly and Peregrine were perplexed by the sudden arriavl of Space Cucumber Seven that wasnt due to dock until the 14th ( St. Gherkin's Day ). They pressed their noses on the porthole glass and watched as the Biognomic Flangles gripped the spunnions and sent tiny shards of space crystals out into the starry void. The light was so intense they put on their smokey visors so as not to damage their eyes. Once , Captain Trilby of the Wally Cadets looked out and forgot to wear his and he was blinded for a week and had to spend the whole time in sick bay with a Venusian Flannel over his face.
A strange grunting noise came from the outer deck as the nanoplanks rubbed against the bilge pumps. It sounded not unlike a Martian Goat flossing it's antlers.

The Handbag Snatchers

Ee by gum! It's a reet crime wave going on't street what with the whippet rustling and chip buttie flinging. The Phantom Hot Pot pilferer has never been caught either our chuck. Now the latest from Oswaldtwizzle Road - Ena managing to lasoo a sneak thief with her hair net - but he snipped through it with a sharp frozen haddock he had concealed about his person and made a getaway.
The Rovers was a gog with excitemant and yatter. Even Ena felt it hard to get a word in scrimmage ways. Our Ken told them to have a bit of 'ush. Wilma told them about the police and the sniffer dogs round the corner shop eyeing up the treacle toffee and bull's eyes. Joe Longbottom interjected that street was going to dogs and everyone laughed ecept Ena who remembers the time a corgi nibbled her fetlocks down t'Co-op.
Now the hand bag snatcher is abroad and in daylight as common as yer please too! The only description being a short swarthy chap with a goitre and a nasty rash on one of his necks.

Singing Dingo

Captain Helmet

Ah the thrilling days of yesteryear and those Saturday morning flicks - the big feature, the cartoon and the creaky black and white serial in 12 jaw dropping episodes. The Flaming Cube and The Robot Hens, Mr. Invisible and the Plant People, Smudge Gargoyle and the Planet of Fertilizer to name but a few. My absolute favourite was Captain Helmet - Queen of the Flatosphere. A serial so full of gadgets and cliff hanger endings it almost topples over on its side with the weight of them and dies!
Captain Helmet and his Helmet Rangers has to save the universe from the evil Emporer Pong and his robotic warriors from the planet Zlurg, who are bombarding earth with a mysterious custard gas which turns everyone into his slaves and Emporer Pong has enlisted the help of evil scientist Dr. Prang and his henchment who will stop at nothing to get rid of Captain Helmet and his Rangers every ten minutes and you find them dropping into ravines, down wells, mineshafts, in burning shacks. over cliffs, in burning dynamite factories etc. Somehow Captain Helmet manages to escape in the nick of time and every week is able to do battle again with his cardboard ray guns and his bakelite thermo blaster - not to mention the brain wobbling beam.
What joy we had in running home afterwards to make our own ray gun from an old plastic Squeezy bottle and an egg carton and re-living the whole episode all over again!

Cat To Dog

Cat to dog and back again
Robot kitty to robot doggie
Strange metamorph of my pet
Round again and back to moggie.