Invasion!

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Burglar Bill

Burlar Bill

Burglar Bill answered the door
A chicken stood outside
Pecking a small policeman
"Come In" said Bill,
"and pull up a swag bag,
sit yourself down and
Have some truncheon meat
sandwiches".

Arresting him he replied
"You have lied to me,
Bill you scurvy knave."
The chicken pulled the switch
And the front door slammed
"My finger!" Bill screamed
Overcome with guilt
and indegestion.

The Fidle Of Girrmstone

The forth part of the Girrmstone trilogy by the acclaimed author who also wrote The Bucketh Of Cithtard and My Swanlike Trilbs. A stunning adventure set on the South Seas of Iceland and involving the Cod Wars of 1878 and dodo smugglers.
The story is a long and involved yarn with many spools and tangled strings - looms of a many webby fronds and mangles , whose origins are lost in the fringes of time.
Part soap opera and part sci-fi seafaring tale the reader is plunged into a world of mutant tea cups and piratical teapots. The main protagonist- Stuffid Maltravers has been left the famed Fidle of Girrmstone in his late uncles will and travels to Iceland to collect it. On way he has many adventures including being shipwrecked , being laughed at by brigands, having scalding tea tipped down his trousers and discovering the Lost Island of the Dodo.

Donkey Business

Donkey Business

We're off to Colwyn Bay to gather bath buns
Up to our knees in hay and turnips
We shout at Neddy to strum his fun
A basket on his head for trips

Gradual Pythonic Deriavations

The tinkle of the cheese grater - the elk hiding under the duvet
Reminds me of my vestibule- the outer coverings of creosote
Creative spoonfilled lumpen gravy - clobbered in hay
laughing like a drain - crying like an old steam boat

fetch me my grey flannels - the onnes made of newspaper
My edam trilby and Goya's favourite hillbilly pipes
The one with the fringe on the top - and the edge of fur
Lift up the corners now - say hello to the packet of wet wipes

Guest Artist - Roger Radio

Space Cucumber

Meanwhile back on Space Cucumber Nine , Polly and Peregrine were perplexed by the sudden arriavl of Space Cucumber Seven that wasnt due to dock until the 14th ( St. Gherkin's Day ). They pressed their noses on the porthole glass and watched as the Biognomic Flangles gripped the spunnions and sent tiny shards of space crystals out into the starry void. The light was so intense they put on their smokey visors so as not to damage their eyes. Once , Captain Trilby of the Wally Cadets looked out and forgot to wear his and he was blinded for a week and had to spend the whole time in sick bay with a Venusian Flannel over his face.
A strange grunting noise came from the outer deck as the nanoplanks rubbed against the bilge pumps. It sounded not unlike a Martian Goat flossing it's antlers.