Horror Songs

Stilton Dreams

The sandwiches with the slurry squirt
Massed pots and puddings scrubbing with potatoes,
This shocking apparatus like a harpoon
Unnatural synthetic food whizz bobbin.
The camel became inflated "cow trees".
A finger nails silvered sausage and mash
A tapioca flings it's slotters to entomb
The doldrum light the sun's pale tooth pastes.
Raindrops made of compressed worms
Became warty, and contains nasty tanks.
Suddenly through the bristle and curious tongue
Appears, a spongonable bathing beach.
Before the collapse of vegetable debris..
A symbol of deliverence on the bottom.

Bob Wolf

And thus it was
Bob found a friend
Someone to talk to as they strode
For such a journey can be lonely
And as they walked they talked of black snow
They spoke of the cheap hotel room
And the tin trumpet used as a po

The moon was high
The stars were out
A shadow fell across the sky
Bob woke and felt a shiny tin thing
Poking in his thigh

The wind it whistled through the gaps
It whistled through the eaves
It whistled through the windows
And through the leafless trees
It whistled far and wide
It whistled more and more
But most of all it whistled
I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles
Through the keyhole in the door

Wasp Terror!

Giant killer wasps are the new scourge of the gardener. They come from the continent where they broke free from an experimental research facilty run by some mad Swiss scientists trying to cross hornets with scorpions. They are very much attracted to skimpy bathing costumes so gardeners are advised with wear shapeless cardigans and reinforced trousers tucked into diving boots.

Spaghetti Strings

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The spaghetti harvest is late this year due to the swarms of pasta fly that have been devastating the crops. Macaroni has suffered a similar fate. Thankfully the trees bearing the ravioli are higher up the mountain and the flies dont like heights.

Trapped!

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Can you help her escape?
Similar to that old urban myth of someone biting into a sausage and finding a tiny rolled up bit of paper and unrolling it discovering a hastily scrawled message which reads " Help - I'm a prisoner in a sausage factory and......" and the rest trails off into a spidery smudge.
Being a prisoner in a collage would be a bit like that only more so.

The Curse of Banana Bonce

I think Gerry the white alsation knew what was going on before anybody else - even his snail friend Nigel knew but Daphne was oblivious to the changes that were creeping over Derek that windy winter's night.

Unusual Holidays

Belgium

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Too much strong coffee can do this to you.
Ah, yes, Belgium - gem of the Northern Sea. I remember well my trip to a quaint fishing village near Antwerp and the giant squid that got caught in some net curtains in the window of a certain M. Masher Niblick. We chased it for several dasy in some steam driven wheelbarrows but it managed to escape into the folds of a huge pair of Flemish trousers worn my Arch Duke Nerdyfan III. Later it was seen travelling in the smoking compartment of an express train to Boulengerie.

Drama Murals

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Blakey Fiends

Il mouse dice che "i blakeys" hanno proprietà magiche e possono inserire nei vasi dell'inceppamento più meglio dei bolli. Il gatto sembra molto scettico dell'idea intera.

Let Your Widgets Do the Walking

A Merry Jingle!

Slotmeters!

A popular game from South London during the war years when infated bladders of pigs were hard to come by as they were called in for vital war work making barrage balloons and bouncy castles.
The "slotmeister" has seven seconds to pinion the slot by means of a "frummage iron" which they weald by means of a "flange grip". The "slotweiners" then have to dislodge the "glippy tile" from the apponents "vetch shaft" and score a "glipper" in the "fondue glupe". Its all but died out now, sadly, and can only be seen on certain "Slotty Days" near St. Mongers Eve, when the moon wanes and waxes at the same time. In it's dim light the players sometimes hang fluerescent flummox beans around their waists so they can be seen.

Also for sale this Christmas - the Jones Pudding Pulveriser, the Jones Chicken Stuffer and combined Mince Pie Rammer and the Jones Festive Yule Log Roller.

Privy Council

We are all gathered here today
To play some musical notes
On the big smiling instrument
Made from old ships buoys
Hand crafted in the sheds
Of old fisherfolk from driftwood
Casks and barrels
Bits of flotsam and jetsam
With the buzzing of insects
The chirping of birds
And the flush of the cistern

One Turn Of Crank Turns Every Tank

Squid and Pygmies

Decorated Tea Tray

Mail Art Machine!