Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Naughty Monks

Have you spotted these naughty monks tittering in your area? If so please phone Lubbock 67756 and ask for Father Quinn.

Who Stole Our Trousers?

A trouser thief is still on the loose in Basingstoke. The local constabulary were criticised by Basingstoke Council for not getting to the bottom of this problem and even suffering losses in the trouser department themselves. Coucillor Elkwood Spink said " The situation vis a vis the theft of trousers is getting comepetely out of hand. I know several people have reported trouser loss but the police seem unable to apprehend the criminal gang responsible. I hear trousers are being sold on Ebay for three or four times the going rate. Rare trousers of sailors, airmen, firemen and policemen are fetching high prices."

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Christmas Catalogue

Cruisin' Shoes

Cruisin' Shoes

I'm cruisin' with my buddies
In my loafers and my daps
I've filled up on gas and socks
Gonna do a hundred laps

Polished up my plimpers
And laced up all my holes
Drive like a flaming flip flop
To the very inner soles

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Love Letter

Dear Mildred,

Forgive the haste in which I put projectile ink pellet to paper but I have a lecture to give at 12-30 in the College Of Inventors. My sweet little dust cloud. I can see you now - your feather duster all a quiver , darting about among the cobwebs of the refectory. How it grates on my nodules that you have to do such tiresome work. So much so - I have invented a new improved dusting device you must try when next we meet - my little vacuum nozzle! It's a web twizzler attached to an old egg beater I have cunningly contrived with the aid of several elastic bands and a cheese grater geared to the motor of a disused flannel mangle. It will, I hope for have not yet tried it, make life so much more easier in your daily grindage.
Have you tried the Instant Polish Squeegee yet? I have a new version you can try with an attachable wire brush for all those tricky corners. Particularly good for the undersides of tall boys.

Until we meet agin my carbolic angel, Yours lovengly, Professor Albert T. Bunk