Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Big head.

Ah, Professor Bulbhead has created a horrible monster from the residue of an old haunted candy floss machine and some suet. See the awful Quicktime movie HERE!

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Battery Driven Blips

Have test borings made which, poets feign,
Fire hydrants mean main-
Well drained soil which flings
The beam of radio waves it's purpled things
In gulfs rotates like saucers siren sings.
The blips that lie bare,
Where the boiled egg sliced lengthwise
(weird with wear.)

It's webs of strong rubber more unfurl;
Wrecked is the gallon of turps.
Mufflers chambered cell,
Twin tailpipes extending life was wont to (dwell)

As the secret of the compact folding shell,
That chimney was revealed-
It's irised ceiling modern midget buzz plant (unsealed!)

Seven Lame Wotsits.

Tutta la notte che pulisce l'oliatore e che controlla il pulsatore. Tutta la notte la cosa dangled dai loro dispositivi. Ma ora, la manopola sopra, il hula-hula lucida sui pacchi a malapena di fuoco senza fiamma del giardino. Danni fatti cocendosi a vapore quando succhia le spine hanno attaccato dagli stainers. Il fag molle rotto con i vecchi nomi fini, come la crosta del furetto. E tutti i battitori appendono dalle spirali molto piccole, come i wotsits.

Fez recording.

Each fez had been cleverly wired up so that it produced a wobbling tone not unlike the pitch of a gamelan. When two of three diffrent sized fez came into close proximity the resulting howl and feedback was fed through an ossilating podule and thus via some adroit knob twiddling to the Fezicule Chamber (am I being too technical for you?)
The contaminated fez mixture is then groiled and the sediment used to great effect on the shins of goats in Albania.

And for our Italian friends-

Ogni Fes era stata legata intelligente su in modo che producesse un tono vacillante non diverso del passo di un gamelan. Quando due di tre diffrent hanno graduato Fes ha entrato nella prossimità vicina l'urlo risultante e le risposte sono state alimentate attraverso un alloggiamento ossilating e così via una certa manopola adroit che giocherella all'alloggiamento di Fezicule (sono che sono troppo tecnico per voi?) La miscela contaminata de Fes è allora groiled ed il sedimento ha usato ad effetto grande sugli shins delle capre in Albania.

A Strange Dream

In the strange dream I had last night the ethereal background music was being played by Tony "Bongo" Blair and his Downing Street Unravellers - a weird hybrid exotica band made up of politicians and lavatory attendents.
In it I'm whisked back to the swinging somethings when everyone was an art student of some kind and carried folders under their arms everywhere they went. They wore jaunty berets, beards and smocks embroidered with strange hieroglyphisics - everyone was dyslexic so the spellings didn't matter that much. I had been to an interview and the secretary had shown me to the panel of interviewers by means of a curcuitous route via Greenland by husky drawn sledge. She looked back as we passed some inuits scraping a crude effigy and said "Sorry to go round this way but the office is being refurbished and all the furniture has been moved to Belgium whilst they glue down the carpets ."
The maddening bongos continued to throb in the background and the snow swirled about us and the huskies howled as they vanished into the thickening blizzard.
Eventually we arrived at the place where the interview was to take place. It was a large studio filled with trousers stretched over wooden frames.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

A Funny Way To End

Working backwards to the end is a strange sensation - a bit like riding a Snaggletooth Crab on the planet Sideboard whilst looking through one of those Seebackro-scope toys one used to see in novelty catalogues in the 60's.
How far we have come. Who'd have thought that Curios Thing would have made the transition from tacky little pamphlet to big budget feature film costing $500,000 and starring Brad Loins and Mufty Fourfeathers?
Syndicated to the whole world and translated into 127 languages including Martian and Welsh. The spin-off revenue itself exedes $600,000 a month with sales of Curios Thing Jodpers, Curios Thing Cruet Sets and Curios Thing Nose Hair Pluckers being at the forefront of the merchandising revolution.
How can it end here? Surely the Curios Thing behemoth will trundle on forever, getting bigger and bigger? But no, all blogs must come to an end because that's where they start.