Thursday, June 09, 2005
Sandwiches Drove Him Mad!
Sandwiches drove him mad!
Brent Urchin was chief slicer and dicer at the Hungry Hippo Health Emporium in Filbert street, behind the rubber chicken factory. He'd been working there nearly 35 years and got on well with all the staff and the regular customers who knew him as The Urch.
One morning he was shuffling the slices of newly sliced bread when he heard a strange noise coming from the backroom where they bagged up all the lentils, beans and pulses. It sounded like a small squeaky gate being constantly poked by a small boy with a baguette. He piled the slices of bread up on the chopping board and went to investigate. In the dim light of tha bagging room he saw nothing at first and the noise had stopped as he entered the room. He went over to the cord that worked the venetian blinds and pulled at it so that a stream of sunlight lit the room up and cast shadows of the sacks and boxes within onto the far wall. Something shot out from under the bagging table and shot up his right trouser leg. He let out a wild scream and jumped into the air, banging his head on a low shelf and sending down a shower of dust,flour,lentils and pulses from above. At the same time several men dressed as pantomime cows emerged from the large crates and sacks and began to beat him over the head with sticks of celery and rhubarb. At this time he must have lost consciousness.
He woke up with faces peering down at him. Faces drawn by very young children. He screamed and fainted again.
Yes, Doctor, he's coming round I think. His eyelids flickered and he felt a cold clammy hand on his forehead. He opened his eyes and saw a giraffe with a stethoscope leaning over him.
It was then he realised he was a giraffe and it had all been a horrible dream.